It's shaky, but maybe a good idea?
First off, the music is perfect. It's powerful. Keep that up. But the "story" (this is what I'll refer to this as, because it's really an interactive story), is lacking in immersion. There is a way to make this deeply powerful. The storyline is a good start. Play the villain. But play not the evil villain, play the misunderstood. Think, imagine, be. Be a force of good taking a path down freak accident. Play the thief, supporting a family, in a job gone bad. Play the sandman, healing his daughter, stopping at nothing to get the money she needs. Learn, what true pain is, desperation, then eventually, the rise to greatness, as your Villain becomes the true hero, saving their love, and learning the value of morality.
This is the medium for this story. This is the story for this medium. Games need something powerful like this to drive them beyond the idle key-press. Find a gameplay that doesn't take away from this story. Give the ability to chose whether he goes left or right a meaning. don't make this game hard. Make it vague. Don't clearly define the controls. But don't make them random either, make them intuitive. Don't make this a puzzle platformer, bot don't make this as simple as it is now either. Look to "The Company of Myself" by "FreeAsANerd" for your story progression inspiration. However, look to "Coil" by "BlueBaby" and "Komix" for your presentation of both Storyline, Text, and controls. Make the challenge here understanding all the layers of pain, fear, and loss. Even these graphics can carry a strong message, so don't let that tie you down. Maybe work with somebody to code this, any can and will break the illusion.
And remember, above all else.
The show must go on...
Crimsonblod